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For most of my life, I've considered myself a pretty independent person. I pretty much had it all figured out and was capable of functioning independent of anyone else. One of the things I dislike the most about myself is my tendency to push people out of life when I feel like my emotional security is threatened. I'm pretty much a heartless biatch. Yep, it's true. It's one of my less redeeming qualities, to say the least.
Here comes the good news: The older I get, the more my perspective changes on this issue. I just spent the weekend in my hometown playin' with my family, kissing my nieces and hugging friends I hadn't seen in a long while and it was fantastic. Every bloomin' minute of it! There is something about being around people that allow you to completely be yourself that brings an enormous amount of contentment. That contentment always leads me right down the path of self-reflection. Usually, and this time is no different, the first bout of self-reflection reminds me that I have so many great people in my life that I totally take for granted. This weekend was no different. The more people I saw and the more love I was recieved with, the more I realized that there are so many people in my life that love me, I mean, REALLY love me, that I totally take for granted. I have hurt a lot of people in my life simply because I was too much of a diva (it's a stretch, I know) to treat them with the same love and lack of selfishness they treated me with. Make sense? I didn't think so.
Anyhoo, chalk it up to one more blog vomit but it all boils down to this: I am going to do what I can to rebuild the bridges I have burned in my life. There are a few that I can think off right off the bat, and they're doozies, but I am determined to fix them.
That said, I just want to take this opportunity to thank all the peeps that love me despite my less redeeming qualities. I know that I'm not always the best friend I should be but I am going to work on being better. Really, I am. I don't always show it, but I do love each of you and appreciate the love you bring into my life.