Happily Ever After

Generally speaking, I like to keep my blogs cheery and light. And since you never really know who's reading these things, I don't like to unload too much when I'm feelin' blue. But I have been in the serious dumps lately. And there it is, my excuse (in a nutshell) for my blogging suckiness, of late. The thing about feelin' blue is that you're trying so hard to be strong and funny and optimistic on the outside that by the time you get alone with yourself, you become so overwhelmed with all the negative thoughts you're not sharing, venting, or working out that they triple their efforts to make you deal with them and they haunt you at inopportune moments. Say, when you're trying to get that beauty sleep so you don't walk around like a cranky biatch (pardon my french) all the time. The thing about realizing your life is wonderful (and mine very much is), is you feel incredibly guilty when you're in the dumps anyway. So, I think I've hit bottom, and it's time to come up again. It's so funny - I'm beginning to realize that there's no happily ever after, where you get your dream and then, POOF!, you're happy forever and ever. I think that once you get your dream, you enjoy it for a bit, and then it's crucial to find another dream or build on the first one and grow it. But without something to work towards and look forward to, and dream about, life gets very, very stale - no matter how good you know it is. I hope that's not an ungrateful, compulsive need for more, more, more, but rather, a human desire to constantly grow and reach and envision something, to move ever closer and closer to our outwardly achieving what our inner potential deems possible.
I feel like I've been at a party for a year, where I've had a wonderful, wonderful time, and been giddy with the excitement and newness and thrill of it all. And then, for a few reasons, some valid, others not-so-valid, sadness crept in, and only now, have I started thinking about what I want to achieve next. I've decided that it's not the lack of ability to achieve our wants that keeps us back, it's the lack of knowing what we want.
And in thinking about it, the giddiness is creeping back, and I'm smiling just typing here. I want to be a better daughter, a better sister and a better friend. I want to get good at tap dancing so I can pick up choreography after the first or second try. I want to serve a mission. I want to be the kind of person that people are dying to know. What else? I want to inspire and be inspired. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I was successful that day in something that was very hard for me. It turns out, I have big wants, and little wants, and once I started thinking about those, my brain started coming up with and figuring out ways to get started attaining them.
Viva le blog vomit.

Frenzy!

I can't believe I've gone so long without posting. I know all my peeps have been anxiously awaiting their next glimpse into the exciting life of Miss Paula. Well, wait no longer, my friends.
Okay, it's been a month so I'll just run you through the past few weeks. Hold on, I have to look at my calendar - it's all a big blur of trips and tapping and drawing and guitar playing. Yep, it's true. I'm a busy girl these days.
It all started on September 19 - "International Talk Like A Pirate" day. After spending a great day with me mateys watchin' the damsels in distress walk the plank, I went to a G. Love concert with my partner in crime, Miss Angel "Sing Like a Diva" Westover. Those good times were followed by a glorious trip to the Big Apple. That's right, folks, New York City. My dad, grandma and aunt all live on the Upper West Side in Manhattan so it was a family reunion, of sorts. I be-bopped from Yankee Stadium to Chinatown with a few stops at the Empire State Building, The Rockefeller Center and the Polish Day Parade. Polska! It was good times. I caught up with a good friend of mine who is currently performing in The Fantastiks on Broadway. Bright lights and knock-off designers - it was a dream. Let's see, my beloved Rashawnduh turned the big 3-0, I renewed my Disneyland Annual pass and found a new place to live. All in all, it's been a productive, if somewhat frenzied, month. But wait, there's more! The Utah Peeps are rollin' in at the beginning of November for round two of the joys of Royal Carribean cruiselines. 'Cept, this time, we're trading in the Carribean for Mexico's Pacific coastline. There's a few new peeps joinin' up so I hope they can handle it!
Alrighty then, now that we're all caught up - here's to a few more weeks of friends, fun and furious tappin'!